19 October 2008

Striking out the Rookie

Note to the readers: The music that you hear is at the bottom of the page, if you want to turn it off, click the stop button there. I will be using the music to assist me with every entry from here on out. I hope you enjoy.

20 October 2008

"Striking Out The Rookie"

People come and people go.

Some stay for a cup of coffee. Some stay for coffee, tea, dessert, a couple of movies, your first born child, 13 years of school, a mid life crisis, an enlarged prostate, and some green jello fed to them through a straw just after Bingo on a Sunday afternoon.

It doesn't matter how long you decide to stick around, you will always have those that you become friends with, and those who's pictures become the bull's eye on your dartboard.

Nonetheless, it is what you are expected to find no matter where the journey. You deal with it, and then you go on.

But what about the ones who are in a position of power and attempt to use their newly given gift to direct chaos and mayhem to those below them when, in essence, they couldn't hit water if they fell out of a fucking boat.

Again...I like to call them dispatchers.

0835 Hours

Another day another 43 cents after taxes.

Danielle and I were quite impressed today. It only took a whole minute, into our shift, before the screwing of the squads kicked in.

Today's first adventure was to go to a hospital in our southern district and post.

Now, for you out there that aren't really savvy with the private side of EMS, posting is like going to a brothel. You know you are going to get screwed, it is just a matter of when, where, and how much it is going to cost you. At least I think they use lube in a brothel.

I think it took all of 38 seconds after arriving in the parking lot before the call for the first run of the day graced our presence.

"42, I need you to go to the "A" building, sixth floor, for a chest pain." A crude and smug voice came over the speaker of our radio.

Sixth Floor, huh?

Let me take the time to explain the layout of this hospital we are at. As you have all brilliantly deducted, there are at least two buildings. Designated as, of course "A" and "B". Both have the same name, both run by the same people, both are not connected to the other which means, for those of you keeping score at home, that the only way to get a patient from one building to the other is to load them up in an ambulance, pull out of the driveway, go to the NEXT driveway and unload them into the other said building. Total distance of travel....352 feet....Literally.

Sixth Floor in "A" building???

Well, that would be geriatric psych. It is where the elderly go to visit the wizard or whoever else they are seeing at that particular time. Not a very popular vacation spot, but it does have its share of entertainment to it.

So off we go, to get crazy Claudia (not her name) and bring her to the mother ship for some probing of sorts.

Backing up, we began our check list.

Seat belts....Check!


Emergency Lights...Check!



Houston, we have a problem.

Awesome! We are on our way to Oz lit up like a Christmas tree and the fucking siren doesn't work.

Here is the kicker behind this...


Are you KIDDING ME!!!!!!!

Again...going back for another explanation. Danielle and I got hired in June. We were promised this new truck (that had already been sitting in the bay) from day one. It was their way of "wooing" us to stay.


It is October...

We have been in the truck for a total of 13 hours at this point.

Don't ask...you really don't want to know.

Meanwhile, back on the ranch. Our profanities were many and our luck had amazing similarities to the stock exchange. Our only salvo was that this was the next building. 350 feet to the fun house. Had it been farther, I think I probably would have chucked the truck into the lake.

Parking up front, we grabbed our gear and headed into Emerald City. Hitting the penthouse floor, we were met by the staff who smiled with that creepy grin that makes you walk just a bit slower to where you have to go.

Down the hall, noise was heard that didn't relate to anything that I had ever come in contact with. It was, for lack of a better term, a chatoic melody that resonated throughout the hallway. A noise that got louder as we got closer. The hairs on our spines began to stand up. Closer we crept hearing our own heartbeats with every touch of our boots to the floor. The squeltching grew into our sub-conscious and burned a tomb into our minds. The noise was deafening, hideous, and teeth clentching.

Haunted_hallway Pictures, Images and Photos

It was the patient....she was singing..

Bride of Frankenstein Pictures, Images and Photos

Outstanding...Ethel Merman is serenading us.

Talking to the staff, we found out that they determined she had chest pain 30 minutes prior to calling us. They stated she was pale, diaphoretic, and hypotensive (low blood pressure).

I would have to say, that for someone who was about to kick the bucket, she sure could carry a tune. A tune to what, I don't know, but she sure was howling "la la la la la la la la la". (No, literally, that is what she was howling.)

a wolf howling Pictures, Images and Photos See....(Okay..so I am a little over dramatic...she wasn't THAT hairy).

God, I love you nurses and staff on these skilled floors, but if there is one thing that I have learned in all my years of expirience is never trust the vital signs they give you.

So, with this, Danielle had begun to collect her own data and I began to talk to the patient...which is like asking a baby which stocks to buy.

(Of course there is one in every crowd that will screw it up....Thanks Joey).

Loading her up on the cot, we quickly wheeled her to the comfort of our nice new squad...without a working siren.

Upon more of a personal one on one, I found out that she does have a little bit of pain in her chest, kind of dizzy, and that she just gave birth three weeks ago to a boy.

Oh, she is 89 years of age.

Back in the Broken Buggy and off to the other driveway where the staff awaited us with open arms. I sure hope they plugged their ears though.

After singing, what I can only interperate as something from Rodgers and Hammerstien, to the ED staff, I went to call the dispatch to let them know of the misfortunes of our vehicle. Quick fix, I figured. When the maintence manager arrives, we take a quick trip to see him, he puts the magic touch on the truck, and off we are to take grandma back over the river and through the woods.

Yeahhh...about that.

The correct response was "Go back to base and get your back-up truck then go on with your trips."

The response I received was "Well, you won't be doing any emergencies so do worry about it."

Shocked look Pictures, Images and Photos

Hello?!?! McFly...you just sent me on one.

"I just got done doing an emergency." I had to remind the rookie fuck that was in the hot seat.

"Well, you won't do anymore." He proceeded to tell me as if his word is the word of the Lord.

"And what are the odds on that?!?! Fine, when that call comes in for Sagamore Hills (a free standing emergency room that has to transport people out with lights and sirens because they are not near a hospital.) You remember that when Kevin (Our General Manager and king of all GPS) calls us and ask why we are taking 45 minutes to get there. I know what I will tell him, will you?" I responded.

With that, I hung up the phone.

You know, it would just be our luck that we do go on with this truck and then a patient codes in the back of our rig.


Hey, it's a dog eat dog world out there...good help is hard to find.

A half hour later I received a page.

pager Pictures, Images and Photos

"Go back and get 39."

Strike one, rookie.

Satisfied with our moral victory, Danielle and I headed back to base to pick up our reserve unit. An ambulance a few years older, but a little bigger, a little wider, and the siren actually worked in this one.

Okay....NOW we were ready to roll. Now we are ready loaded for bear. Now we are locked and loaded.

Now the ass kicking begins.

2 minutes and 38 seconds into our voyage in the new truck, the squad phone rings. I thought it was the maintence manager asking what the problem with the squad was.

I was wrong.

It was dispatch.

I was looking for the lube.

KY Jelly Pictures, Images and Photos .

Now, when someone calls you on the phone, there are certain things that you ascertain in order to interperate as to the validity and nature of the call.

There is the greeting. This necessitates the urgency of the call.

The tone of their voice. "Hello" in many variations can say just how bad your day is going to suck.

The rate of their response. The quicker they say something, the bigger you are hosed.

"39" Danielle answered.

"Hey 39." The Dispatcher answered with a slyness in his voice.

"How can we bend over for you." I asked still pissed from before.

"Do you guys have a bariatric set up in your truck?" He asked.

Okay, c'mon. Do you really think that this is, in any possible way, going to be good. It is kinda comparible to Judas going up to Jesus and saying "Hey Jesus, out of curiousity, have you ever, I don't know, been hung on a cross....hypotetically that is?"

Photobucket This is the LBS (large body surface) system used for bariatric patients. The platform (shown) attaches to our cot so that our larger patients will be a little more comfortable. The mattress (not shown) is also wider to assist in the most comfortable transport for the larger patient.

"We have the platform but not the mattress." I told him thinking this will be the end of this conversation.

"Oh, okay, well, can you use the regular mat on this. I have a patient that needs to get transferred." He asked in a commanding voice.

"No, hence the need for a bariatric cot." I told him perplexed.

"Well, you will have to do it that way." He proceeded to tell me as if that was the end of the conversation.

"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME...That is like putting a toothpick on a paper towel. It just isn't going to fit properly." I yelled when I hung up the phone.

I could feel my blood pressure boil. I could breathe fire I was so amped up. Some young punk with like five minutes of expirience is trying to tell me how to do my job. It sure is a good thing that the comm center was in the other direction, I may have just done my best postal worker impression had it been not.

Okay, calm down. Let's get there, evaluate the scene, and see where we need to go from there. I have, on occassion, have found that a bariatric patient will fit on the regular cot and that the weight given is a little over exaggerated. A 550 pound person is actually 55 kg (110 lbs). Another screw up from our eyes in the sky.

Danielle and I walked up to the floor, hoping we were wrong, praying for a miracle.



Yeah...that is pretty much what we were up against.

HELL NO!!!!!!

She made eye contact with Danielle. Danielle made eye contact back. Good thing she had on her stupid proof vest otherwise our dispatchers might have killed her where she stood.

"OOOOOOOOOOooo...I really have to pee!!!" is about all she could muster out in her 500 pound glory.

"I will go and get your nurse RIGHT NOW!" Danielle told her slowly retreating to the hallway.

Danielle went for the nurse, I went for the phone.

I called dispatch. Remember...I am pissed the hell off.


"Yeah, this is 42. Can't do that trip like you want. Just isn't going to happen without the mat."

"Well, you are gonna have to do it, we are busy and I don't have the resources to help you."

This is where the switch inside me clicked. I was beyond angry. I was beyond furious. I was 8 shades of pissed off.

"Listen, probie. This isn't going to happen. I could give two shits as to how busy you are. My primary concern is the patient, her comfort, and her safety. I have asked nicely for you to help us out, but you refuse my request so here is how it is going to go down. You have two choices here and only two. You can either, A) let us go back to the base and grab the mat from the other truck and come back and move her the PROPER WAY...."

"OR WHAT?!?!" He interjected as if he was going to get the last word.

"Or, we refuse this trip all together. Now, listen carefully, I will speak slowly. Those, my friend, are your ONLY two options. There will be no middle ground to this. Go ahead and take a second to think about it, I have nothing but time."

There was a long pause...

"FINE. Go and get the damn mat, but YOU need to tell the nursing staff why we are late." As if he was gonna zing me with that one.

"Oh, I will. I will let them know that our dispatch center is less than competent of doing their job and their inablitly to send a proper crew is the reason for the delay. Buck up, Sparky, the day will only get better."

I hung up. Strike Two, Junior.

I could feel the heat from his temperature from 40 miles away.

Danielle, who can sell a Ketchup popsicle to an eskimo in white gloves went to do the dirty work, which was her specialty, and inform the nursing staff who, in their amazement, didn't understand why we didn't have the attachment to begin with.

So, off we go, back to base (which, by the way, is only fifteen minutes from the hospital) to retrieve the mat from the truck that we were previously in.

Thirty minutes later, we were back at the hospital and ready to move our patient to her skilled nursing facility.

Next to us was unit 24. A crew from our base who we chat with from time to time. They are also a medic unit so it is rare when we cross paths but it is good to see them when we do. Especially right now.

Enlisting their assistance, we went back up to the floor to move two ton Tessie onto our mammal mover.

The doors opened, the gloom hung over us, our backs started to cramp.

As we turned the corner, we noticed something that seemed to strike us as a little bit strange. (like today wasn't strage enough.)

There sure were a lot of white coats in the hallway leading up to the room.


Making eye contact with one of the nurses, she looked at me as if she had seen a ghost.


(yeah, I just said that)

"Are you here to pick her up?" She asked with hesitation in her voice.

Gee...what gave you that clue?

"Yeah, we are back." I sighed.

"Oh, well she isn't going out now...she coded ten minutes ago." The nurse told us.

huh Pictures, Images and Photos <--- this is what I looked like. Yes, sports fans, the woman whom dispatch wanted me to put on a mattress that was three sizes too small then hall in a truck with no working siren to a nursing home where she can go to..well, I don't know what she would do, died while I went to get something to make her trip better. So in essence folks, she would have died in my truck. Danielle and the 24 crew were stunned. I smirked a smile. I grabbed Danielle's cell phone. "Dispatch." "42 here. Yeah, that bariatric trip? Yeah, we can't do that now." With the prequel to a lot of swearing "God Damn it, why not now?!?!?" "Yeah, 'cause she's dead." Long pause...... Still paused..... ............ ............ ............ "Um, why?" I can actually hear the look on her face over the phone as they said this to me. "How the fuck should I know...maybe she had to pee really bad it was killing her." The phone dropped. I hung up. Strike Three....He's leaving...that's more beer for us. Rookies. You know, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to show a little compassion and use that bump two feet above your ass to know that us out here in the field know a little bit about our job and how to do it to the best of our ability. It is easy for someone to sit and push buttons and make our lives miserable because your primary function is to clear your board. All I ask is for some common sense. Christmas is coming....maybe I should write that down.

Rounding Third and Heading Home,

15 October 2008

Back in the saddle again

15 October 2008

"Back in the saddle again"


Some new digs, a new attitude, and a whole bunch of new adventures coming your way. It is like Christmas in October.

Hey all, thanks for coming to the new site and checking things out here. I am really excited about the change and hope that you all will stick around for some more mayhem and madness as we cruise around the town and expirience life in the fast lane.

Thank you all for the letters and comments and all the support you have given me. That is why I am here.

So, prepare....there is more to come REALLY soon.

Rounding Third and Heading Home,

06 October 2008

Fair Winds and Following Seas

06 October 2008

"Fair Winds and Following Seas"

Dear Readers:

I have just come to find out that AOL will be closing down the journal site here by month's end.  They are requesting that all authors save and move their material to other sites in order to continue life's twist and turns with the faithful readers that have become more than readers, but have become a part of who they are.

Until I have further news, I am considering this my last call.

The sqaud is parked, the pager is turned off, the doors are down.  Rescuesquad93 has finished his shift.

I sit here and try to find ways to tell you just how much each and everyone of you have touched my life and have held my hand when the times got rough and have shared the laughs that have equated from my adventures in emergency medicine.  In the four plus years that I have been writing, I have met so many wonderful people that I have the distinct honor of calling my friends and furthermore...my family.  You have all brought with you a gift. A gift of nurturing, a gift of reason, a gift of love.  Gifts that have helped shape me into the person I am today...gifts that have helped me map my future.  For that, I will never forget any of you.

So, in closing, I want you all to know that with every trip with lights and sirens that I take, every person that I load into my squad, every person that I meet for the first time, I have each and everyone of you to thank for who I am, who I've become, and who I will always strive to be.

In the event of a move to another site, I will let you all know. But until then,  don't drink and drive, wear your seatbelt, and most importantly...live everyday as if it were your last.

Oh and one more thing.  No matter where you go...I am right there beside you.....Forever.

Finally Making it Home,


28 September 2008

All I want is some bacon

28 Sept 2008

"All I Want is Some Bacon"

The butterfly effect is a phrase that encapsulates the more technical notion of sensitive dependence on initial conditions in chaos theory. Small variations of the initial condition of a dynamical system may produce large variations in the long term behavior of the system. So this is sometimes presented as esoteric behavior, but can be exhibited by very simple systems: for example, a ball placed at the crest of a hill might roll into any of several valleys depending on slight differences in initial position.


The phrase refers to the idea that a butterfly's wings might create tiny changes in the atmosphere that may ultimately alter the path of a tornado or delay, accelerate or even prevent the occurrence of a tornado in a certain location. The flapping wing represents a small change in the initial condition of the system, which causes a chain of events leading to large-scale alterations of events. Had the butterfly not flapped its wings, the trajectory of the system might have been vastly different. Of course the butterfly cannot literally cause a tornado. The kinetic energy in a tornado is enormously larger than the energy in the turbulence of a butterfly. The kinetic energy of a tornado is ultimately provided by the sun and the butterfly can only influence certain details of weather events in a chaotic manner.

Recurrence, the approximate return of a system towards its initial conditions, together with sensitive dependence on initial conditions are the two main ingredients for chaotic motion. They have the practical consequence of making complex systems, such as the weather, difficult to predict past a certain time range (approximately a week in the case of weather).

So....What does this all mean?

Well, it has to do with a girl...who just wanted some bacon.

0930 Hours

It is not often that, on the day of the Lord (Sunday for all you non-Christians or who think that The Church of the Horizontal Mattress is an acceptable gathering place to  worship your lord Sony and his son ESPN), one in a big, white box can partake in, what is considered, the most important meal of the day and furthermore enjoy said meal before they have to go and participate in everyone's second favorite game "The Discharge Shuffle"  (The first favorite being "Let's Bury Grandpa!" but that is another story for another time).

Yes, this is the game folks where some unsuspecting patient will get a visit by Danielle and myself, totally suprised, and inform them that their visit is over and it is time to move on to the next level....the skilled nursing facility where the less than enthused registered nurse will be responsible for seeing you only twice a day only to give you your meds and tell you that just because you shit yourself, you really aren't smelling the fermented Serta that you lay in and it is all in your head despite the flies that have already sold property somewhere close to your rectum....Okay...you get the jist of it.

So, with an hour before we have to run to make-up and pull out our polyester suits, we decided to go and throw some groceries down our throats seeing this was a rare oppurtunity that most likely won't happen again until sometime in the spring of 2039. 

Now, with Danielle and myself, we usually alternate as to where we will dine when we duck under the radar of Dispatcherus...the God of Lubeless Anal Insertion seeing that the squads all have GPS locators in them.  Yesterday, my choice.....

Ahh....the Liquid Plumber for the human body.

Which means that today, it was Danielle's choice as to where we shall destine to in order to raise our chlorestrol. Danielle's answer...

"I don't care..I just want...


(Of course she wanted it cooked. She knows all the cool kids are doing the E-Coli thing but she wants to follow her own drummer.)

Bacon. A respectable choice for one's breakfast side dish.  I think it is a food group anyways.

So, off we went. Two blocks from a little diner where the sweet smell of pancakes were already filling the squad.  I could taste the maple syrup as I turned on my right blinker to enter establishment.  In 50 feet, it was a number one combo with a large orange juice.  In 50 feet, Danielle was prepared to eat half a pig all by herself.  In 50 feet, the day was going to start off with a bang for us.



Yeah...we got our sign alright....I think it said E. 73rd and Euclid.

At least that is what it said as it draped next to the car that ended, ironically, 50 feet in front of our location after it REAR-ENDED US!!!!

Okay...let me paint the picture for you.  There are only TWO cars on the road at this time of morning.  Us...In a BIG WHITE FUCKING AMBULANCE....

 (For those of you who need visual aids)

And them...driving a piece of shit Dodge Stratus.

(This car is in prestine condition as to the one that decided to take us out like a fat kid in a dodgeball game.)


Danielle looked like this:


This is what I turned in:

Okay...time to multi task...then say a whole lot of bad words.

Danielle ran into the restaurant where, by some grace of God, were two Cleveland Police Officers who, like us..were trying to ingest some homemade goodness...

 (Blonde not included).

I called into dispatch.

Dispatcher: Dispatch

Me: Hey. It's 18. Do you want the good news or the bad news first?

Dispatcher: Let me have the bad news first?

Me: We just got rear-ended and the squad is undriveable.

Dispatcher: (There is immediate shuffling of paper in the backround and a change in the voice) Are you alright?!?!

Me: Yes, for now.

Dispatcher:  I will get police out there now for you, how are the other people in the car?

Me:  Police are already here. Danielle is checking on the others.

Dispatcher: Wait. What is the good news?!?

Me: Gyro George has breakfast for only $2.99.

I think she dropped the phone.

As I hung up, Danielle was waving for me to come over and motioning for me to bring a C-collar.

(One of these).

Of COURSE you are hurt.

Getting the collars, Danielle went to get the jumpbag.

I came over to find two women who were dressed in their best "take me home, I am hot" which translates into "I may be fat, but I can still fit in this".

Me:  Hey. You Okay? (Now turning from victim to rescuer with a prominent pissed-off accent to my demeanor).

Driver:  (Sobbing) I thinkin k (Ghetto for "I don't seem to have any apparent injuries)

Me: Are you sure, because you just drove into an ambulance!!! (Pointing out the not so obvious to these idiots),

Now...riddle me this.  Why is it that EVERYTIME EMS rolls up on an accident, the first procedure we have to do is an Alltelectomy, which is the surgical removal of one's cell phone from there ear so that I can see just how banged up or full of shit they really are?!?!


It wasn't long after the big bang that the calvary arrived.

It also wasn't long after that the passenger who was "sleeping" when the accident happened, suddenly came down with SAS (Sudden Attention Syndrome..a case where one suddenly becomes more ill or injured when the population of emergency personnel increases dramatically and suddenly.) 

It seems that the passenger, who was dressed like a mutated lemon, all of a sudden had neck pain and felt "weak".   Now, before you all judge, I have to tell you that she had called EVERYONE in the 216 area code prior to anyone arriving bitching and moaning as to the fact that they were minding their own business, doing 40 in a 25 when our ambulance had the audacity to jump out in front and caused her friend, who was dressed like Ms. Glade Trash Bag 2008, to take us out in a blaze of glory.

Now, Police, Fire, and EMS were here to take the passengers of the, now mutalated car to the trauma center to have their injuries assessed which increased even more when they found out that they were going to get cited.  Figures.

Drama packaged....Drama departed.

Okay... NOW the pain is kicking in.

Because the drugs are kicking in for me, I will tell you that we got towed, went to the doctor, got some kickin' meds, and are now on light duty at the station from the bowels of hell starting tomorrow. 

Physical Therapy is to follow for a couple weeks but I have a feeling that we will be back on the truck sometime next week...when they find one for us.

All this....because of a girl...and her love for bacon.


Rounding Third and Heading Home,






12 September 2008

Moving on Up

12 Sept 2008

"Moving on Up"

Hey there all!!!

I just wanted to take a quick moment to let you know I am thinking of you and that I am on a small hiatus (if you couldn't tell).

I am in the process of moving and the job has been a little more tidious than I had hoped for.  Danielle has been helping me in her off time and her daughter has started school so both of us have not really been active on the computer.

Next week though, I should be back in full swing and boy, do we have lots to tell all of you.

So, until then, I bid you farewell for now and will chat with you all next week.

Rounding Third and Heading Home,


01 August 2008

Through The Eyes of an EMT Rookie...



Yawn….it's 6:05 a.m.  Today I have slept in…yes, you read that correctly, 6:05 IS sleeping in for me these days.  5:30 is the usual time I rub my eyes, stare at the cell phone alarm…sneak out from my happy cocoon….make my way to the shower…and eventually gear up in my navy duds…pager and all. 


But today is my day off.  A day to recharge…a day that I could have slept in until 9 or 10 if I so desired.  But, alas, there is much on my mind…time to blog and get it out there. 


There are moments in your life that teach you lessons, moments that define who you are…moments that are burned in your memory forever.  For me, I can whole-heartedly say that the last 5 weeks have been a string of moments.  Moments that have opened my eyes to the world around me…moments that have inspired me…moments that have brought tears to my eyes…rage to my soul…and clarity to my mind.  In 5 weeks as an EMT I have learned more about myself and this precious world around me than I have learned in 32 years. 


They say that EMS is "the hardest job you'll ever love".  Whoever said this is an absolute speaker of the truth…and genius.  It is the utter truth…it is hard…it is rewarding…it is what I was meant to do.  I suppose sometimes you have to detour in life until something slaps you in the face…and says…"ok, you only get one shot at this life…you are only this age once…follow your heart…give it a shot…see what happens….take a chance….and learn from it.!"  I cannot even begin to tell you how much my life has changed.  How proud I am that I deviated from my path on the corporate ladder.  How amazed I am to see a life beyond an office.  How free I feel to be out and about on the streets of this beautiful city to happily serve.  How joyed I am to meet the people…see the sights…and embrace each day that has no set itinerary until that pager chirps. 


Things I have learned:

1)      Everyone has a story…listen.  You may be the last person they get a chance to tell it to.

2)      Life is short (I know…who hasn't heard that one before?). 

3)      Life is fragile….

4)      Life is uncertain….

5)      Life can be altered in a blink of an eye…

6)      Protect the ones you love…

7)      Be thankful for what you have….

8)      And…EAT FAST!!


Until next time kids…..cheers!


28 July 2008

Giving it a whirl...


Hmmm....so this is what it's like in the world of AOL...blogging...making new friends......sharing my story...my thoughts.....my days.  Pretty nifty, I must say!  Thanks Mike, I'm honored to share your space!

Hello everyone!  Glad to "meet" you!  ...and thanks for the warm welcome via your comments to Mike.  He's quite the amazing person, isn't he!? (And no...he didn't pay me to say that!)

Well....in a nutshell...I'm a proud wife, an over-joyed mother of an unbelievably awesome 4 year old daughter...and now, finally...an EMT rookie.  Life is good! 

(I'll let Mike tell you our story, how we met...about our friendship...and so on....it's an interesting one!)

Me?  Well...I had been in the Marketing field for 10 years.  Before I started my EMT career I was a Marketing Director.  It was fun, I was good at it...it paid the bills and then some....but, there was just so much missing.  You see, Mike and I met in 1993.  From the day we met, I was VERY interested in his line of work in emergency medicine.  I would pick his brain at every opportunity.  I always thought it would be an awesome job....but, life got in the way.  Actually, it was more like a crappy illness got in the way...and I do mean crappy (pun totally intended!).  For 12 years I was sick...pretty freaking sick.  I had ulcerative colitis.  I won't bore you or sicken you with the details...its pretty gross.  Just know that my life was dictated by my daily battle with this horrendous disease.  Finally, in 2006 my battle was near ending...I was beyond ill...my meds were no longer working ...and it was time to fight back...and kick this damn disease to the curb.  I had options...not the most pleasant ones...but, options nonetheless.  At the ripe age of 31 I decided to go against what everyone was telling me ...and pull the plug on the ole large intestine (literally).  I had major surgery which involved removing my entire colon...and getting some, as Mike would say, "alternate plumbing".  Well....lucky thing for me...I had a great doctor, supportive family and friends...and one particular Best Friend (can you guess who?) who helped me get through this.  Well kids, it was the best damn decision I've ever made.  You see, once it was all taken out...it was pretty evident to my surgeon that I would have had colon cancer in a matter of months!  Whew..... 

After my surgery I had the pleasure of staying at the Cleveland Clinic for nearly an entire month (another story...but, I'll spare you).  Anyway...the entire staff of doctors, ET nurses, RNs...everyone..was AMAZING!  They helped me in more ways than I can count!  ...and that was when it hit me!  It was time to give back...it was time to break out of this rut that I had lived in for 12 plus years...it was time to take the plunge...see the sights...meet the people.  I went on a few ride-alongs with Mike (see his blogs...we had some advetures to say the least!).  I enrolled in school...  and now....here I am!  An EMT...with the best teacher in the world...as my partner!  Lucky me.....

More to come......soon!  I look forward to hearing from you....and again....thank you for welcoming me!


27 July 2008

The New Fall Season

27 July 2008

"The New Fall Season"


Time to grab a soda and park  your ass in front of the computer screen.

The writer's strike is officially over and it is time to resume everyone's favorite blog...

No...This one here....

Anyways, for the three of you that are left out there...thanks for sticking around.  A LOT has happened since the last entry I have put in which is the reason for my untimely abscence, but I am going to try to get you up to speed on some of it and tell you what is going to happen in the next few months.

First and foremost, I am, again, with a different company  now. The last job that you saw me at, I was the coordinator for a rural 9-1-1 system and was making some progress in producing an elite ambulance service for the community.

Well, things were going pretty well there....until the politics set in behind the job.  Note, I am not one for policitical drama nor was I about to be the scapegoat for higher ups misfortuntes so I left...for something that wasn't going to give me the migraines I was getting from that company.

Moving on, I went to a small mom and pop company for a little over a month.  This was nice..only a couple nursing homes to cover and rarely were we out at night.  My only beef with this was that it was rob Peter to pay Paul.  What I mean by this is that they would often "circumvent" the rules to operate in their favor.  It may work on a business level but I didn't want to sacrifice my card in the process with their "Creative operations" as I call it.  Besides, this was like getting sent down to "A" ball in a minor league system.  But, it did get me back on my feet and on to better things.

Now, I am working for the biggest private ambulance company in Cleveland.  Our runs are many, the 9-1-1's are nil, but it keeps me busy, it is organized (for the most part), and it pays semi well...

I would relate this to "AAA" ball waiting for the call to the big show...Cleveland EMS....

...Which won't come for a while because the mayor has just placed a hiring freeze on all new employess for the City of Cleveland.  And I was sooooo close.

Nevertheless, I am back for your entertainment with a whole bunch of new stories, new adventures, and a new suprise for you all.

Today, I am bringing in a new partner.   Danielle, who you have heard me mention in other blogs, has chucked her computer, kicked off her heels, took her hair down, and has left the corporate world to become one of the bottom feeders with me.  She has gotten her EMT and, as any luck would have it, has become my partner.  Danielle will be taking in some of the blogging duties here including typing up entries for you all to read.

I hope that you greet her warmly, comment often to her stuff, and hope that this thing works where I added her (you all know AOL).

So, until then, I bid  you all farewell.....and this time...I WILL see you soon.


Rounding Third and Heading Home,

07 February 2008

Under Construction

07 February 2008

"Under Construction"

Hey all you germs and measles.  You are probably wondering as to where I have been.  If you haven't, well, no loss to you I suppose.

Sorry I haven't been around but we are in the process of remodeling the station..the WHOLE station so, as you can imagine, things have been very time consuming.

On top of that, I have ordered a new ambulance and it is scheduled to be here within the next few weeks.  This, ALSO, is very time consuming in referencing trying to get all the paperwork done on it and making sure that when the guy comes to inspect it...I am ready to go....

So, I will try to check in next week sometime to give you some funny expiriences that I have had, but until then, keep smiling, always keep your chin up, and remember that ziploc bags are two for one on Sundays.

Rounding Third and Heading Home,


13 January 2008

Ten Minutes

13 January 2008

"Ten Minutes"

Have you ever actually "stopped" in order to appreciate time?  It is one of those things that are overlooked and taken for granted, yet eventually, we all run out of.  In a world where "time is money" we tend to get wrapped up with the light at the end of the tunnel that we forget to notice the colors, sounds, textures, and sensory stimulations that make our journey into the great unknown, just that....great.

So, I thought that today, I would write a comparison to help, maybe guide you through the rest of your life which is an hourglass glued to the table, slowly getting smaller with every waking breath and take you inside the mind of the paramedic and EMT and show you how ten minutes are an eternity.

In ten minutes, you have taken a warm shower in peace and feel refreshed and ready for the world.  In ten minutes, I have stood out in the pooring rain holding the hand of a car accident victim telling her I am not going to leave her while the fire department cuts away the steel and fiberglass in order to get her out.

In ten minutes, you stand in line to get an overpriced cup of coffee with some name that is longer than some third world countries.  In ten minutes, I am trying to start AND finish my meal while I am en route to the next call which happens to be the sixth one in four hours since my shift started.

In ten minutes, you have a conversation with your parents over the cell phone because you have just that much time to kill before you are at your destination.  In ten minutes, I am pumping on the chest of a stranger's loved one who was found on thier bedroom floor working against a clock that I am already way behind hoping that a miracle will come.

In ten minutes, you complain that your job, your boss, and your coworkers are something that you just want to do without and that they are just one more piece of stress that you could live without. In ten minutes, I am waiting for a helicopter to transport a victim from an accident that may never make it to work again.

In ten minutes, you try on several new outfits wondering which ones will look great in the up coming season. In ten minutes, I pray that I can change the same clothes that I have been stuck in for 36 plus hours and are covered in smoke, dirt, and blood.

In ten minutes, you go to bed hoping that you won't forget to pick up milk tomorrow.  I may not even see my bed in ten minutes.

In ten minutes, you contemplate what to do for your birthday. In ten minutes, I am celebrating someone's birth on a lonely stretch of highway.

In ten minutes, you meet a stranger because he has an item you want to buy. In ten minutes, I meet a stranger because he wants to breathe.

In ten minutes,  you hear a siren and curiously go looking to see what and where the trouble is. I am hoping you pull over so that I am where I need to be in under ten minutes.

In ten minutes, you may see an old friend for the first time in a long time. In ten minutes, I may see a stranger for the last.

In ten minutes, you go through the room greeting all your family members during a holiday event. Ten minutes is all I get with mine miles apart via cell phone on the way back from the hospital.

In ten minutes, you may get to know me. In ten minutes, I may know everything I need to about you.

In ten minutes, you will forget who I am. In ten minutes, I will never forget who you are.

To all the active and potential EMS personnel out there, I want to thank you for what you do as the brother and sisterhood we share is unlike anything else you may expirience.

What we do is a calling...it is something that we don't choose, but rather it chooses us.

Rounding Third and Heading Home,


05 January 2008

Medical Funnies

05 January 2008

"Medical Funnies"

Well, things have been slow on the ranch this week and today was a day of class.  I think I had more excitement grocery shopping (and that says a lot). 

So, thanks to my friend Robin, I thought I would start the year off on a lighter side.  I hope you like some of the short stories posted.  Until then, I will see you next week.

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going
to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,
rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and
began to take off her underwear. Suddenly, I noticed
that there were several cabs -- and I was in the wrong

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio , TX .


2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a
stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female
patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA


3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I
told a wife that her husband had died of a massive
myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later,
I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that
he had died of a "massive internal fart."

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg


4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment
with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor,
that he was having trouble with one of his
medications. "Which one?" I asked.
"The patch, the nurse told me to put on a new one
every six hours, and now I'm running out of places to
put it!"
I had him quickly undress, and discovered what I hoped
I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on
his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the
old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA


5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly
patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?"
After a look of complete confusion, she answered,
"Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband
was alive."

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis , OR


6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So, how's your
breakfast this morning?"
"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I
can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient
I then asked to see the jelly, and the woman produced
a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI


7. A nurse was on duty in the emergency room when a
young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker
mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing
strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined
that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was
completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff
noticed that her "lower" hair had been dyed green, and
above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a
short note on the patient's dressing, which said,
"Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

Submitted by RN, no name


AND FINALLY!!!............

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was
quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams.
To cover my embarrassment, I had unconsciously formed
a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon
whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out
laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from
my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I
tickling you?"

She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were
whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."

Doctor wouldn't submit his name (Can't blame him!)

Rounding Third and Heading Home,