15 October 2006
"Medical Terms - M-Rod Style"
Again, other than the occassional psych patient (really, you don't want to hear about that) or the drunk passed out person, I really have nothing to offer you. So I thought that I would jot down some medical jargon that I use....that may not be in the books yet.
1. FDGB - "Fall down, go boom". Pretty self explainitory and holds value to a high percentage of calls that we go on. A good portion of the time, you get to their house and "reset" them. This meaning, you pick them up, sign them off (they never wnat to go to the hospital) and wait for them to fall again so you can do it all over again. It is a vicious cycle, but it is also the circle of life.
2. Gourmet Chucker - I classify these people who have the tendency to projectile vomit all over the rig and it is usually right after a hefty meal of hot dogs, chicken noodle soup, or mac and cheese. Now, if you think it all smelled bad BEFORE they ate it, Imagine rotting food with mucus mixed in hovering in a confined space for a 15 minute ride. Usually, I am the one sucking oxygen.
3. O2 (Oxygen) therapy - Here is one of the many differences between police and EMS. They have guns...we don't. And when you are locked in the back with a patient who just ripped his restraints off and is homocidal to the point where he has targeted you for termination, you grab the one thing that is heavy enough to make a statement, yet light enough to raise...the O2 tank. One good contact with that to their head and they will be sleeping off their knife wielding ways sooner than you can say "damn, that really worked". (Note: I do not suggest clocking anyone that looks at you wrong. This is a LAST resort issue so use judgement...I figured someone was going to complain about this so I typed in this disclaimer).
4. DFO - "Done fell out" In other words...they are on final approach to heaven international airport.
5. JACOBS - or "just a couple of beers syndrome". Ask anyone how many they had to drink...and it is always "two beers". What were the two beers? Kegs? You in the field know what I am talking about.
6. Chipncokeia - This is the disease that one gets from smoking too much dope. It is the expressed desire to consume some Cool Ranch Doritos and a Pepsi. Cures almost everything there.
7. Acute Lateralphobia - These are the people who have the fear of pulling over when the squad is coming down the road behind them.
8. Chronic Noctournal Influenza - Disaese that people have who call the squad for thier common head cold that they have had for 10 days and desire to go to the hospital at 3 AM.
9. Paramedical Euphoric Antigen - My name for Tylenol PM...I think it is the wonder drug that should be put in the water.
10. Ambulatic Retread - Anyone in the field that has left and came back for some unknown reason.
Well, that should be an appetizer for you all....
Talk to you all soon....
Oh yeah, if you have Myspace, let me know and I will add you to my friend's list.
Rounding Third and Heading Home,