31 October 2005
"Here's Your Sign"
Happy Halloween to everyone.
I hope that your craving sweet tooth has been satisfied by hopping door to door with an alter ego and with every porch you approach, your dentist's stock goes up. Nevertheless, this is a fun time and should be rewarded with Snickers, Twizzlers, and Gummi Bears.
I thought that I would write today about just how stupid some people really are that I encounter. Now, I am not talking dumb as in "I don't get it", I am talking dumb as in "I locked myself IN my car" kinda dumb.
Taking a page from Bill Engvall's "here's your sign" patented phrase, I thought that I would do a little bit of that...only EMS style. All these are true, 100% pure (from 10% concentrate) so I hope that you like and join me in saying...here's your sign.
Today, walking into a Taco Bell to get some groceries to throw down my throat, I had my radio in a back pocket spitting out radio traffic as it was pretty busy at this point of the day. Along comes an employee who looks down at the radio, looks up at me and ask, "Is that a walkie-talkie in your pocket?" Without missing a beat, I turned to him and said "nope, I'm just happy to see you"...Here's your sign!!!!
Going through the doors of a local nursing home, we returned a patient who had been seen in the ER and was going back to her room after her examination had been complete. Not knowing what room she was in, we stopped at the desk to find out where she lived. The nurse at the desk goes "Oh, did you just get her". What?!?!?! You've got to be kidding me. I looked at her and with a straight face, I said "No, we took her to dinner and a movie. We were going to get ice cream, but we ran out of money." <shakes head> Here's your sign....
Getting a patient from a car accident, I loaded her into the truck and began to assess her. Answereing all questions appropriately, we began to take off for the ER. Looking me in the eyes, she stopped what she was doing and asked "Are you taking me to the hospital?". Hmmm..Big, white ambulance, lots of lights, you are hurt, packaged for Christmas, and the big sign on my chest that reads "paramedic". My reply, "No ma'am, Target is having a huge sale and I need some advice on my clothing choice, I thought I would take you with me because then we can park up front." Here's to MVA's....here's your sign.
One of my favorite is the big, biker guys that get into a fight and are pretty messed up. We get them into the truck and expose their arms to get a blood pressure and start an IV. When I pull out an IV cathether the size of a sewing needle, their eyes get really, their skin startst o sweat bad and they shake asking "Is this going to hurt?" <insert blank stare here> Your arms are no longer bare and you have more ink than Bob Ross had "tiny, happy trees" canvased on your skin. The procedure to get that naked pic of a Harley chick took all of 12 hours total where my insertion will take less than 3 seconds. Yet, you wonder if the needle I am going to use is going to hurt?! Here's your sign......
Pulling up to a house that is totally engulfed in flames, there are firemen everywhere with hoses spread out like spagetti in an italian kitchen. Police have the scene blocked off and the EMS is tending to those who have a little smoke inhalation. A bystander comes walking by and non chelantly ask "Hey, what's going on?" You didn't get the memo? No one told you that if you see a house, and there are flames coming out of every orfice of the property, that it is called "a house fire"? Must have been in the bathroom for that one, egghead. "You know, this generous soul decided to try to help everyone save some money this season and heated the whole neighborhood so that you stay warm. Isn't he nice" Please stop sucking my air up..you are only harming yourself. Here's your sign....
People amaze me....I guess that is why I still have a job....for all those incredible souls out there that each and everyday I encounter...
And want to say to them....here's your sign.
Rounding Third and Heading Home,