31 December 2004

Not Dead...yet

30 December 2004

"Not Dead...Yet"

Like any good child should do, I am just checking in with you all to let you know that I am still alive.

Since the holiday season, I have been swamped here at work AND finishing up moving two places into one so I am actually down a computer where as I can only type here at work for now.

Once settled, it shouldn't take long to get reacquainted with my journal and present you with some more stories including the actual "moving day".

A quick reminder, the new year is here and it is a time to celebrate with all your friends and family as to a new beginning is granted.

Please..I beg of you..be safe and responsible. Use your common sense when drinking whether you are driving or not.  I would love to meet all of you someday by knocking on the door to your house to have a cook out of sorts..not by knocking on the door of your car as it is wrapped around a tree.

Wear your safety belts, DO NOT drink and drive, and most importantly...don't become a statistic.

Happy New Year to all my friends and family out there.. See ya next year.

Rounding Third and Heading Home,


23 December 2004

Anyone Got a Shovel?

23 December 2004

"Anyone Got a Shovel?"

Here I am...on B-Shift...waiting for a call to come in.

Normally, I work on C-Shift so my day is not till tomorrow.

So why am I here???



That is why!!!!

Above are some pictures of the storm around here and a current radar picture of the storm that had passed over us within the last 12 hours.

I woke up this morning only to find the snow was even with the window line of my car...and that was at 5 AM. 

In all, we have had close to 30 inches here on the west side of the Cleveland area and more is expected to come.

The person who was supposed to work today got snowed into her apartment which is no suprise seeing I have not seen personal plows in the are until about noon.

Going into the bank, I had to call for a rescue helicopter to come and get me (not really, I am just over dramatic). The bank had NOT been plowed and it only took me a half hour to get out of the lot.

Well, in Panama Beach, FL, it is 71 degrees right now..5 hours away in New Orleans..it is 38....Hmmm...do you see a front there?

More is expected to come and I have to go get a frozen popscile (someone shovelling snow and is having chest pain now) right now so I will talk to you all soon.

Dear Santa-

Please send me sunshine...8 straight days of it...darkness is overrated.

Rounding Third and Heading Home-



18 December 2004

Entering the DMZ

18 December 2004

"Entering the DMZ"

Just over a year ago, half way around the world, a war started where a the people that live there wanted a revolution and decided that the dictatorship that they have lived under for so long is no longer wanted and needed. Employing in their fight, The US has taken control of this country for them and will soon be turning it back over. The road was long and hard and has not come without price.

Here in the United States, a similar evil lurks in our backyards employing a place that is controlled by ruthlessness and mercenary sensiblity. It is a place where evil grows and is soon to become rooted there as the influence that it incurs becomes mainstay in our present day society.  It is a place that consumes our lives, our souls, our well-being. A place that will change us forever...

This place.....




I know everyone in their lives have shopped at Walmart. If you haven't, you are either dead, in a coma, incarcerated, or just  aren't allowed back into the store because that cute little cashier at register9 who you went out on ONE lousy date and gave you a good night kiss thinks that 20 calls to her house a day is excessive and the simple fact that you drive past her house every day, 7 times even though she lives an hour away from you goes to the courts and gets a restaining order and labelling you a "stalker"...I mean c'mon...was it really THAT bad where....oh...um....sorry.

Bev and I went to Walmart the other day on my day off to get Dog food.  I think NASA was there...because it is a whole other world.

First, let's talk parking...

There are only 3 people in existance that can get into the Walmart Parking lot.

They are...

 Jeff Gordon, John Force,

Al Unser Jr.

It is to my opinion that Nextel should sponsor the parking lot at Walmart and that they should have 2 races of the season there...one of them being during the holidays.

Drivers coming into the lot are similar to buzzards circling their prey from above waiting for that specific moment to strike. Replace the prey with the parking space and you have pretty much the same, similar senerio.

And then.....

It happens....

Someone pulls out of a space halfway up the lane....

Side note, open all sounds by right clicking then opening in new window

The showdown starts here

On the East side, a minivan has turned the corner casing the lot for the specific spot to rest their vehicle while Christmas merchandise is purchased to place under the tree. While bringing their eyes to center, the shining of turning headlights reflect off the wet glass signifying a car pulling out of the space.

The West side has a 1978 Delta 88 who is oblivious to pedestrian traffic as they just whip around the corner vying for that one position that they can parkat, having no consequences and not caring about who they take out. Between a group of holiday shoppers, a glimspe of red tail lights hits the retinas of the drivers' eyes as see the minivan making an attempt for the space with their turn signal on.

Place your Bets Folks


Mom's grocery getter has the early lead with the front wheel drive kicking in and accerating to its potential.

The land yacht leaves a rubber trail as it sees the opponent gun for the spot, it is off and running making a break for the space.

The mini van dodges right to avoid the truant driver whom left the space open leaving the Delta 88 with a comfortable lead.

The Delta 88 looks to have the advantage here but OH WAIT....Grandma in a wheelchair has pulled out in front blocking both lanes.

The Mini van recovers from its evasion and races towards the space.

The 88 remarkably maintians its position..

Its the mini van...the Delta 88...the mini van...the Delta 88....

And the winner is.......

The Delta 88.

Why? Because it is always the big car that pulls in and is too big for the space so instead of straighening it out, they leave it there and it is always YOUR car that it parks next to leaving you with need of a can opener to get inside your own vehicle.

This is why people key cars.

Bev and I park in the back 40 somewhere and take the 2 hour trek to the front door. When the lights shine bright, the flow of people increase, you are almost there..only 2 more obstacles to overcome...

First is the freeway speed traffic in front of the building. As I said, we talked about this already.

Then, trying to get past the Joe Dirt Buick that is parked in the fire lane pooluting the air with its sub grade gasoline and hasn't had a tume up since the Eisenhower era. Thick black smoke arises infiltrating the lungs of everyone around and you feel yourself choking to death.

Bev's Mind does this

Mine Sounds like this

Running through the thick black smoke, we puff on an Asthma inhaler and make it through thedouble doors.

The Sound of Victory

Our quest was not over yet...Dog food is what we came for....Dog food is what we are leaving with.

Start the Journey Here

Okay, time to find a shopping cart.

It really doesn't matter how you plan it or where you wait in line, you are bound to get that one cart that has the broken wheel on it and has more bounce than a child on a bed in a hotel room.  It is holiday shopping time..suck it up.

Entering the store, here is where National Geographic should be researching the new breed of humans that immerse to these locations...and how the multiply during the holiday season.

Gripping the cart even harder, I ran blocker for Bev as she trailed behind telling me where I needed to go.

Dodging left, and shooting right, we maneuvared around the numerous obstacles strategically placed in our path. I think they call these obstacles children.

Looking in line to my right, I am blinded by the 375 pound person who thinks that it is acceptable to wear spandex stretch pants out in public. I guess it is okay though seeing she has the matching tube top that goes with it.

My therapy bill is gonna go throught the roof...

Making it to the pet isle, we are almost to the promised land......almost.

Impeeding our path is that one person who has the motorized cart with the basket big enough to hold your credit card in it looking at two different kinds of food that they may change once they glance away and glance back.

During the holiday season, the phrase "Excuse me" does not apply as it only envelopes rage and disgust. I tried anyways....it still didn't work.

"Gee I really wish WE could get some food!!" Bev said too in that voice that was overly audible so as to give the hint.

It worked...

Glancing at us, a look that could kill showered us as if we were asking her to give up her oxygen that she breathes. Lady, it's friggin dog food...Dancing Elmo is over there. Why don't you go run some little kid down.

Obtaining our primary goal..it was off to the cashier line.....until....

"You know what would be good right now.....chocolate!!!' Bev said.

Men. Listen to me. Women need five things in their lives. Shelter, food, clothing, love and chocolate. Trying to deprive them from this sinful yet, endulging snack, is subsequent for homicide in some states. Remember the saying "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."  Remember this after you tell her no and you need something done...Also keep in mind..she is the one that packs your lunch. So, sympathize with their need. Pretend it is you...and you can't find the remote. NOW you now how lost you would be. Point taken.

Okay, Chocolate in the cart..Off to the register.

Parents. I have a question for you.  What is acceptable attire to let your child wear out of the house and even to the store with you.

Here is why I ask....in front of us in line, I see a 14 year old female with more make up on than Tammy Faye Bakker, a tight, low cut sweater showing off what God hasn't given her yet, Skin tight jean capris...and.....5 inch spike heels....


Sorry, I know that was mean.

The checkout is a whole other story. This is where the chorus of children are isolated in the lines that have us lined like cattle going for the slaughter, screaming at the top of their lungs because they want the pack of Nerds candy that would most likely keep them up all night. Parents..let them have it....here is what you do. Make them eat both boxes, tie a rope around them, and have them pull the car home. Imagine how much money you will save!!!!

Hey, it's just an idea.

Our cashier seemed almost robotic as no eye contact was made and the mundane and monotone volume of her voice made me feel warm in a place that I never knew I had...and still don't know about.

Cash or Charge she asked in the same voice Eeoyre has in Winnie the Pooh...

Wow...a choice...

Paying for the items, we quickly began the journey back to the car almost running with holiday glee (actually, I think it is fear) only to find that we were undercharged on the dog food.

Go back inside???

Maybe on another adventure....

Tired now...next stop is Target..I will need a squad after this...

Forward all my mail....

Rounding Third and heading home,



13 December 2004

And the Fun Begins

13 December 2004

"And the Fun Begins"

The holiday season.

I can actually hear some of you cringe as I typed that and you read it.

Well, folks, it is like the tax man.  You hate it, you put it off as long as you can, you try to cut corners where possible, yet there is no way to avoid it....and, like the tax man, it takes all your money leaving you with nothing to show.

You gotta love the season.

Where I work, we call the holiday season "The Red Zone".

Why you may ask? (Go on....ask)

Well, from 12:01 AM the day after Thanksgiving all the way up to about 8 AM on New Year's Day, call volume in the city where I work almost triples.  Where there is a Wal-Mart, there is an injury. Where there is a mall, there is an accident.

I think you get the idea.

There is one other factor coming from the festive season of lights that also plays a vital role as to our increase of trips. 


Okay, for those of you who think 50 degrees is time to pull your children out of school, raid the Kroger grocery store for food as if the apocalyspe was among us, and start burning every book you have (except that one Betty Crocker cook book because the pictures look so nice) to stay warm, you all need a shot of reality (Or Jim Beam...whichever you prefer).

Yes, the snow is cold and the snow is blustery (triple word score there) but for those who live in the midwest, it is an inevitable site that winter is here.

So get used to it.

Anyways, as the temperature drops, the older population drops too...on the floor, on the side walk, and so on.

There is one rule that apply with the elderly too. If you hear an ambulance going donw the street, chances are you need one too..besides, 9-1-1 is always awake, I bet EMS is too.

No matter where you are in the country, there is no exception to this rule....no where.

1900 hours

Today had been one of those days where you are better off leaving the phone off the hook and hiding in a closet because you know the next call is going to find you sooner than later.

The bays were active like the terminal at the airport. As soon as one taxi comes back, another takes off..in search of a new passenger.

The snow began to slowly pick up and the winds were gusting rather furiously taking the American flag to its fullest extention.  It was getting colder fast...and it was only a matter of time until...well

Hell Froze Over

I think you can figure it out.

Todd came in for Kim which is a good thing seeing I like Todd and we work well together...but...

Todd is a Shit magnet (pardon the French there).

Everytime I work with him, I end up having some major trauma or some serious illness that makes us think rather hard....that or people die.

And why should this be any exception. If it were, do you think I would write about it.

The phone rang (as it did ALL DAY LONG...sorry...a little cranky there) for a shortness of breath at a residence where the address was familiar.

Normally we go to this house for the female of the residence as she has had several strokes and is confined to a chair. A really nice couple, her husband always took great care of them and it was a pleasure to go to their house despite the fact that they needed the ambulance.

Today was a little different. Today, the squad was for him.

Pulling out into the avenue, the snow began to crunch under the tires of the truck. Traffic is moving at a slower pace than normal because of the frozen precipitation.

*side note. Despite living in Ohio most of their lives, people in this state drive as if they had never seen snow....and this happens EVERYTIME it rains, snows, or the sun shines the wrong way...it is a way of life out here.

Down the street, I see the ladder truck advancing to the call with a considerable lead on us. (Why they take a ladder truck to a medical call is beyond me..they used to take a pumper but closed a station down due to money problems...so let's take out the vehicle that takes the most fuel...). The strobes reflected off of the wintry sky showing where the truck was around corners.

It didn't take long to get to the call..and it was the house that I thought it was.

In the chair, our patient awaited us, sitting up and breathing at a rather fast rate.   Starting the interview, the patient explained as to how this started 10 minutes ago and so he took his Albuterol treatment only to find it was empty..so he called us.

This had been the theme all day where a drop in temperature had created a sweep across the city of shortness of breath.  A treatment given to them by us had them back on their feet in no time.

Todd gave him a treatment right off the bat while the fire guys got our cot and set it up to take him in.

Asking him as to where his wife was, he stated that she was already in the hospital after having a bout with her dementia and was taken in last shift...by Kim ironically.

Getting him ready for transport, it appeared to be what looked like a normal difficulty breathing. The patient even got up and walked himself to the cot stating that it was not necessary to pick him up and place him on it. ( I wish ALL patients told us this).  We secured him and placed him in the truck.

Have you ever had one of those feeling where you know something is just not right and it bites at you despite your findings? Kinda like Deja vu and ESP in a combined form (with less calories).  This was one of those times.

I gave the patient a second treatment as he stated he was still short of breath and that the first one really did nothing for him.  Todd began getting vitals. I listened to the lungs.

I heard almost nothing out of the ordinary but was caught off guard a little when I heard the heart sounds.

The patient was WAY Tachy (tachycardia...or above 100 beats a minute...normal is 60-100 beats a minute.)

This guy was in the 140's.


I attibuted some of it to the medicine we gave him as that does have a beta effect on the heart. ( I can't explain that all that well, but Kasey and Scott are in school for this now, so it will be good practice for them.) so I wasn't overly concerned...the Todd gave a blood pressure.


This was high...too high for our liking.

I got up front and started the journey knowing we would need to get their soon.  His pulse ox didn't get over 89%. A red flag yet, he had Emphysema so we never really gave it much thought.  Todd did the rest of his stuff on the way.

Three minutes later (we were pretty much across the street from the hospital) we arrived.

Coming around back to open the patient compartment, I noticed that in that three minutes, the patient had begun to get tired....a WAY bad sign.

We unloaded him and took him in where the care for his breathing was taken over by the staff there.

I hoped that he would make it for the simple fact that he was the sole caregiver for his wife and that he always went out of his way to say hello to us. 

The ER staff was right on him...He was going to get the help he needed.

Two hours later...he died.

  This is the bandage I needed to wrap my face after getting slapped with that info.

 This is the cold pack I used to reduce the swelling.

Apparently, this gentleman had a PE (pulmonary embolism)Read about PE's here.  Who would have thought...he had no history and showed no immediate signs. 

Well, the night grew long and dim and the hits just kept on coming....

By the time it was all said and done, I felt my body beginning to ache knowing that after a shift like this, there was only one other thing to do.

.miller genuine draft

It's Miller Time....

Rounding Third and Heading Home,


10 December 2004

The New Car Smell

10 December 2004

"The New Car Smell"

Good day to you all, Sports fans.

I hope that everyone's holiday season is going well and with little or no major hang ups.

I have taken a day off of work so I really don't h ave a new entry as far as that goes other than the fact that I will be getting "divorced" at work soon because Kim, my partner of three years, found a better job somewhere and will be moving on.  I will write more about that later though.

So...what did I do on my day off?  What any other normal American would do.

No...no that!!!!

Or that either.....

I went and bought a new (well, new to me) car. And let me tell, you..it was quite and adventure.

This is a picture of my old vehicle (Rather a file picture).

The 1995 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo.

My Jeep was Fire Engine red with a grey two tone on the bottom of it.  This was a perfect fit for me at the time. The weather was still snowy and its 4x4 capability got me to the fire station a bit quicker than when I was in my previous vehicle.

Obviously I had bought it used and loved the way it felt when I drove it.  I had equipped it with a light and a siren to serve my purpose and off I went into the night.

Oh yeah...the Jeep had 140,000 miles on it.

Not that I had any major problems with it, but small things started to go wrong and I just couldn't justify a bigger car payment AND constant repair cost on top of it...so it was time to let go.

Wiping a tear from my eye, I logged into the computer and began doing research as to what was out there for me.  I was on a mision, a new mission, to find something stronger, better, affordable, and that I could keep for a while.  I really didn't have a preference as to what kind of car I wanted (well, I didn't want a yugo or or a coffin on wheels) so I started cheking out some of the different dealerships as to see what they had to offer me.

Searching online, I ran into endless "one time low financing now..but hurry" all over the place.  My head started to hurt as the computer became the voice of a salesperson in my head.  You know, that cheesy game-show like voice staring you down with the teeth shining bright enough to blind the Hubble telescope and the pattended "Boy, do I have a car for you.." speech.

I think I was getting nausious...so it was time to try a different approach.


Okay, I found a dealership..that was easy.

Next was the preliminary call down there to let them know I was coming.

I gave them the pertinent info on the phone as to cut time down when I got there in the event that there was something that I liked.  A list of "what to bring" was given to me and I hung the phone up.

Now...came the quest...to the dealership.

I live in Elyria, Ohio. The dealership was in Hudson, Ohio...the difference....an hour...through rush hour traffic..up hill...both ways...in eight feet of snow...bare footed.


Um...sorry...I needed that.

The drive was nice seeing that almost all of it was highway and the part that wasn't, was through a richer community so it was nice to see the houses decorated with their lights and properties neatly trimmed and decked for the season. Bev partook in the festivities enjoying the holiday-esque atmosphere that was provided.

I just wanted to get there.  My goal was to be in and out in under 4 hours. (Insert heavy laughing here).  We continued our drive..we continued our mission...up ahead, on the left, was our finish-line, our goal, our final destination.

In this distance, I spotted the illimunation of the parking area and show floors of the dealership. You know, where they have more lights than a pro sports stadium. Nirvana was just a few feet away.

Now...I don't know how many of you are familiar with buying a car off a big lot, but the expirience that we had was a little out of the ordinary.  From here on out, I will try to be as descriptive as possible...you are now entering...The Twillight Zone....

Dee, dee, dee, deeeeee......Dee, dee, dee, deeeeeeee.

Pulling into the visitor's parking lot (Yes, they had a visitor's lot), we were met under a veranda-like canopy by a bigger and older gentleman who was wearing one of those secret service-like ear pieces blocking the entrance way as if here were a bouncer at a trendy night club.

"Can I help you folks?" his voice asked with a calm and pleasant tone to it. I still wouldn't want to try to forge past him. He probably has a taser under his coat.

"I have an appointment with a Gold Team member for a car." I politely told him.

He moved to his right andextended an arm out showingus the way inside the facility.

"Right this way sir, I will call ahead to the team and let them know that you are here." His smile was met with a comfort warming the soul...it better..he was WAY bigger than me.

Okay, now we are inside the dealership walls.  In front of me, I have an operator to my right answering calls and directing them to the proper lines. To my right, there is a reception desk, similar to that of a fancy hotel with the two conceirges occupying that space. One of the gentlemen behind the desk spoke.

"Good Afternoon, sir, If you would go through that door to your right and have a seat, the team has been notified and will be meeting with you in a moment."

Okay, this is weird.

"The Team" I thought to myself. As in "more than one"?

Well, MoneyPenny, I guess I will be getting briefed really soon as to my next assignment.

Entering the main reception area, the room was filled with new cars, play areas for children, a cafe to quench your thirst or fill your belly, a small museum displaying NASCAR items, and TVs playing different ESPN channels throughout the area. The Room was about the size of a gymnasium and was set up close to a wedding reception banquet hall with tables everywhere and a big space in the middle to dance. (don't worry, not turning my groove thing on here tonight.) Bev and I took a seat. Within about two minutes, our sales rep came down.

We were met by a younger gentleman in his late 20's I estimated with a very pleasant demeanor who courteously greeted us and sat down to start the process.  Now, I was ready for high pressure sales and him showing us the most expensive things that he could. I was ready to say "NO"...that didn't happen.

Ironically, he looked at both of us and asked us "what is it that you are looking for and where do you want your payments to be at?"

Hmmm....Well, I want the most expensive car you have and pay $3 dollars a year. Can you do that for me?

I explained my numbers to him and he immediately nodded with a "I think we can do that for you."

Now came the fun part...the preliminary paperwork.  Fortunately, having done an application for financing on line, there was not really a whole lot that I needed to do to get this ball rolling....yet (oh yes, I will bleed out an ink pen by the time this is done.)

Doing the "Let me run this upstairs (it was only one story, I didn't know where 'upstairs' could possibly be) and see what the banks say.

This is the part where you wait...and wait...and wait...them knowing already what the outcome is, but make it look like they are vying for your best interest when in essence, they are having a smoke break.

"Okay, I think we got a bank for you."

You do????  A whole bank?  Well then, I would like 10's and 20's in non-sequential order. I want it in an unmarked bag taken to the corner and dropped in the trash container...walk away from it then go to the payphone and wait for a call....

Damn, I need to stop going to Blockbuster.

Well....the moment of truth...the moment we have all been waiting for....the test drive.

Going out into the lot, there must have been close to 150 cars of all types outside waiting to be driven.  I had a select few that were in my budget and what I was looking for.  After touring the lot, I decided to test drive one of the vehicles out of recommendation of the sales guy.

BTW..you KNOW they want you to drive the most expensive out of the few  you pick.

This is the first one...

The 2002 Pontiac Grand Prix.

Okay..THIS was a nice car. It had all the bells and whistles to it...I think this car had more than Knight Rider's KITT car.

Here is what it had on it:

Power Steering, Power Locks, ABS brakes, dual climate control w/Air Conditioning, traction control system, AM/FM CD player, leather seats, power seats, heated seated, moon roof, heads-up display, OnStar, Cruise control, radio buttons on the steering wheel, tilt steering, Bose speakers, Turbo injected, cockpit designed, power windows (Bev told me to put that in.) Pirelli Tires and a whole other bunch of stuff that I can't think of.

This car screamed to be opened up...and I obliged it.

Taking the car on the highway, I went from 0-60 in like .00045 seconds. Okay, maybe not that fast.

I had a smile on my face, Bev held on for dear life. I knew she wasn't gonna let me get this car.

The test drive ended before I really wanted it to and it was time to get down to business....time to crunch some numbers.

The sales guy left to see how much the car was. Now, if you have to leave to see how much a car is, then you probably can't afford it.

Boy, was I right.

Minuteslater, the rep showed back up hoisting a piece of paper with a price and a monthly payment.

I looked at it....I almost fell out of my chair.

The price of the car was just over what I wanted to pay for it but was still do-able.  The monthly payment was almost as high as my rent.

"Well....what do you think?"

I think I need an ambulance.

"Umm....well.....just HOW negotiable is this?"

"The bank and the guys upstairs are pretty set on this."

The guys upstairs are probably looking down salivating wondering if I will take the deal.

I took the paper..I wrote a number that I thought was fair.  The negotiations began.

He wrote another number down.

I laughed.

Bev wanted a minute to confer. Bev is my agent.

Okay, the realism of this car IF I were to get this car, with my insurance, rent, utilities, and other bills would put me at roughly $.38 cents in the positive...each month.

This car was not practical....this car was not going home with me.

The sales guy came back...I gave him the bad news.

"Okay, that is WAY out of my ball park. Here are the choices you have now. Either find me a different car with a lower payment, or we have to leave and go elsewhere."

I could see the look of defeat on his face, yet he showed an understanding as to my request.

Back to square one.

Five minutes later...he came back...with a different car.

Let's see what he has for me.

2002 Ford Taurus

Introducing the 2002 Ford Taurus.

Hmmm..a Ford on a Ford lot....who would have thought.

I didn't really need to drive it to know that this was the car I was going to get..but I did...


I loved it.

It rode better and didn't have all the unnecessary items that I needed in it.

We went back to the bargaining table. It was do or die.

The numbers came back.....

Time to go to financing....I liked what they had for me.

Within an hour..I drove away with a new car (got too tired to type anymore.)

Well, I am off, I have to clean out the old and put in the new...and I have to see how much my insurance will raise.

Oh yeah..I am hungry too.

See ya all soon.

Rounding Third and heading home,


05 December 2004

The 12 Days of Christmas - EMS Style

05 Decmeber 2004

"The 12 Days of Christmas - EMS Style"

On the First day of Christmas, my Dispatcher gave to me...Grandma who fell and hurt her knee...

On the Second Day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me...2 MG of Narcan for the out of work person who wants to end it all by taking her Husband's pain pills and won't tell me what she took and is feeling suicidal....and grandma who fell and hurt her knee.

On the Third day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me....Three stacked shocks for the 88 year old man who instead of paying the neighbor kid 5 bucks to shovel his driveway, decided to do it himself and have the big one in the driveway...2 Mg of Narcan for the psycho chick trying to off herself...and grandma who fell and hurt her knee..

On the Fourth day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me....4 AM in the morning I have to go to the nursing home because someone has had the flu for like 16 years and all of a sudden needs to go to the hospital....NOW,...Three Stacked shocks for the full arrested popsicle, 2 MG of Narcan for Morphine eating Momma..and Grandma who fell and hurt her knee....

On the Fifth day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me...Five minutes to eat.....4 AM shuttle call, Three stacked shocks, 2 MG of Narcan, and Grandma who fell and hurt her knee....

On the Sixth Day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me....Six run reports behind because the computer guy can't fix the system..Five Minutes to eat!!!!!!!!!!  4 AM Shuttle, 3 zaps to the chest, gonna have a stomach pumped, and grandma who fell and hurt her knee...

On the Seventh day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me...Seven car pile up while everyone was trying to beat the light so they can get into Wal Mart the day after Thanksgiving thinking there is only 4 dancing Elmo Dolls...six reports behind...Five minutes to eat.......4AM is way to early, 3 stacked shocks, 2 of Narcan Pushed, and grandma who fell and hurt her knee....

On the Eighth day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me....Eight flights of steps to walk up to get the 400 pound person who is having shortness of breath since LAST Christmas and can't walk...oh, and of course, the elevator doesn't work...7 cars a crunching, six reports a writing, Five minutes to eat. 4 AM shuttle, CPR in progress, 2 MG of Narcan, and grandma who fell and hurt her knee...

On the ninth day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me Nine blankets needed to cover up grandpa because he is freezing and we aren't even out of the house yet but thinks he will get pneumonia and die for all of the 10 seconds we are outside...Eight flights of stairs, should have stayed home and bought off of Ebay, six reporst I'm writing...Five minutes to eat.....What the Hell time is it, should have paid the kid, 2MG of Narcan, and grandma who fell and hurt her knee.

On the Tenth Day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me...Ten Minutes till I can get a bed in the ER because the nurses are busy figuring out who is going to lunch next....Nine blankets needed, Hope fire department is coming, 7 cars a crunching, six reports I need to write, Five minutes to eat...Can't you wait till morning, sick a fork in him, he's done, Man I hope she shuts up..and grandma who fell and hurt her knee.

On the Eleventh day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me....Eleven times I tried to get the heat to work in the back of the truck and maintainence won't take the truck in...ten minutes waiting, Nine blankets needed, eight flights of steps to climb, Hope you have Progressive, Give me a new ink pen...Five minutes to eat....4 AM is early, 3 Leads all show he's dead, 2 MG won't touoch her..and grandma who fell and hurt her knee...

On the Twelth day of Christmas, my dispatcher gave to me..a 12 Gague IV needle that I put into the drunk 19 year old who tried to swing at me...it is really freezing, Hope you choke on your sandwich, 9 blankets for grandpa, How did you get up here in the first place, man your husband is gonna be pissed, six reports STILL down...five minutes to eat...Better than taking them back, Hope I recorded the code, Man, just pass out already...and grandma who fell and hit her knee...

Merry Christmas,

Rounding Third and heading home,